Bonnie Murdock

For requests for me to make badges see Badge Suggestion Post

How do I set up a merit badge?
Any pup who fits in the 'Joining in' criteria can set a badge as follows:

1. Decide what the badge is for:
- Badges must comply with the rules of the bar, the rules of the Scouts (have fun, don't get hurt, don't be an asshole), and be something the badge setter is capable of doing themselves.
- They absolutely can be a pisstake/taken advantage of within the above guidelines but should not target a specific individual. For example the 'Making Autor Blush' badge was suggested in chat, but for the sake of Autor's sanity, a 'Making People Blush' badge might be more fair!
- Badges should be able to be completed without being put in physical danger (e.g. the Saving Christmas Badge can also be awarded for healers, investigators, etc). Scouts are expected to risk assess all activities (see below).

2. Check in this post if it's been done (similar is fine, just name it differently)

3. Each badge must have at least one clause/task to complete. You can make multiple levels of the badge if you desire. (e.g. Saving Christmas once, Saving Christmas twice).

4. Make a picture of your badge. IC the badges are fabric (sew-on patches) about an inch wide and are a coloured circle with a small picture inside.
I've done mine with a blue circle on the outside, using powerpoint circles (denim texture outside, canvas inside) but do them different/more technical/less technical if you like. If you want to do levels (usually done in roman numerals), or other text, I've used Berlin Sans FB as the font if you want to match. Try and make them icon size if possible.

5. Put your badge and instructions in this post.

6. To complete a badge IC you must present what you did to a leader. You can then collect your badge from Bar. You can not cheat IC, unless you are working for the Badge Forgery Badge. If you are not able to find one of us to present to IC, let one of us know and we can handwave.

IC you sew your badges on the arm/front of your hoodie.


Side note 1: Leaders will not police the content of badges unless there is a good reason e.g. someone is getting harassed/hurt/being a pain in the arse.

Side note 2: Pups under the age of 11 are expected to be supervised for an adult. Particularly Harmless Badges = should be suitable for supervised under 11 year olds. Tiny Person Badges = aimed at kids too young to do the regular badges.

Side note 3: Setting a badge does not obligate you to teach it.

Side note 4: Ideally badges should not be awarded retrospectively unless there is a good reason (e.g. an event only happens yearly or the task involved is huge). If you want your badge to be awardable for retrospective activities please state how far back.

Parking Gerry's trailer on her property while he recouperated was not, in Bonnie's opinion, either the most foolish or most scandalous thing she had done. Unfortunately, a lot of people seemed to disagree, the first being Gerry's daughter Celia (who Bonnie reminded that she had been planning to put her father in a home) and the second being the Residents' Association, who were writing her threatening letters on a daily basis.

It didn't take long for Gerry, at breakfast one morning, to come across the pile of letters.

"I didn't mean to read." he said, when Bonnie found him picking them up off the floor. "They just fell off this counter. I've got you into some trouble, haven't I?"

"Like heck, they ain't wheelin' you out on my watch." Bonnie said. "It's my property and I'll do as I like."

"Yay Mommy!" Billie shouted, banging her spoon.

"I really am feeling a lot better." Gerry said. "I don't want to outstay my welcome, hospitable as you've all been."

"You're fine, G-man." Terry said, not looking up from the mirror she was trying to tie her hair back with. "You're a lot more useful than Grandpa Turtle was."

"Hey! Less of the 'G-man', Terry." Bonnie put her hands on her hips.

"Yeah, we don't mind, it's not like you take up any space." Stuart told him. Ted, a young man of few words, shrugged in agreement.

"Why don't you just move in properly?" Terry asked.

Bonnie looked at Gerry. Lucy had moved out a couple of weeks ago, and left an adult-shaped hole in the household. And Bonnie had realised just how much she and Lucy had lent on each other over the last few years. But Lucy was in love. Specifically, Lucy was in love with a lady, which was rather complicated in their time, but after a couple of years Bonnie had encouraged Lucy to take the step and live with the person she loved and loved her back, just as she was. The housekeeping had rather gone to pot since Lucy left.

She liked having Gerry around. But a part of her heart said that she couldn't go through this again.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. She went to answer it, and stared up at Turtle. She sighed.

"It's not yer access day." she said.

"I didn't come for Billie, I want to talk to you and Gerry." Turtle said. "Just give me five minutes."

Bonnie sighed again and showed him in. Gerry came through to the front room to join them.

"Gerry, we want you to come home." Turtle said. "Celia didn't mean it about putting you in a home, she just panicked when the doctors said you were gonna be an invalid. Which you clearly ain't."

"Thanks to Mrs Murdock." Gerry said.

"Yes, thanks to Bonnie." Turtle said. "I admit that. We want you back, you're family, you're missing out on being a Grandpa. And I won't make a fuss about you bein' Bonnie's Gentleman Friend or whatever she's callin' you, even if I do think it'll all end in tears."

"Hey!" Bonnie objected.

"He reminds you of Bill, Red. When his heart gives out fer good one day, you're gonna get yours broken all over again." Turtle said, but gently.

"Well I don't want to cause that." Gerry said.

Bonnie banged on the table, judge-style.

"Knock that off, the pair o'yer!" She pointed at Turtle. "You don't get to worry 'bout me no more. I been makin' bad choices fer forty years, keeps life interestin'." She points at Gerry. "You clearly ain't dyin' right now, so you can live where the hell yer like."

***

A couple of weeks later, when more threatening letters appeared through the door, Gerry's trailer was towed back to its old address. But on the positive side, Turtle's ceasefire did make date night a little easier.

It's always busy in the Murdock household over Christmas. She'd made a deal with Turtle: to avoid any risk of him being beaten up by any of her boys, she took Billie over to a slightly more neutral location on Christmas Eve, in the afternoon, at Gerry's trailer next door to Turtle's.

"How's the new baby?" Bonnie asks Turtle, as he sits on the floor playing with Billie.

"Got colic." Turtle admits. "We ain't sleepin' much."

Bonnie barks a laugh. "I bet Celia ain't too happy about us meetin' today."

"She don't know." Turtle says. "Thinks I'm havin' a talk with her pa."

Bonnie shakes her head. Turtle's web of lies is his own business nowadays, and she's just glad not to be involved. She chats to Gerry while Turtle plays with Billie.

"Sure is mighty chilly in here, you need me to rig you up some decent insulation?" she asks him, when he goes to the little kitchen. "I'd offer ter do Turtle's too but I suppose Celia would rather be cold."

"Oh, I'll get by." Gerry says. "But that's real sweet of you."

She touches his hand lightly. It's cool at the fingers.

"Ain't right ter be so cold in California, the offer stands."

Turtle is in the doorway, suddenly, watching them with a frown. When Gerry goes to the bathroom, he looks her square in the eye.

"Red?"

"What?"

"I know that look. Tell me you ain't bangin' my father-in-law."

Bonnie stares at him, indignantly. Billie, asleep on one of the chairs, doesn't stir.

"Wouldn't be none of yer damn business if I was." Bonnie says.

"Murdock." Turtle moves to sit next to her. "Please tell me you are not bangin' my father-in-law. Tell me you are not about to introduce yet another level of chaos into our lives."

It would be easy to say that she isn't. And true. But she doesn't. At that moment, there is a knock at the door and Celia is calling Turtle's name.

"We ain't hidin', if that's what yer about to suggest." she informs him.

Turtle gets up, kisses Billie goodbye on her forehead, and goes out the door without letting his new wife see them.

Bonnie sighs, putting her head in her hands.

"What's wrong?" Gerry asks, coming back through.

"Everything in my life is so complicated." Bonnie says. "I cain't believe he didn't tell Celia he was havin' access with Billie today. He makes me feel... so dirty."

"Yer not dirty. Yer one of the most admirable and beautiful women I ever met and I don't care if you went with a thousand men." Gerry blurts out.

They both intake breath, as that sinks in. Then Gerry speaks again.

"I'm so sorry, that was impolite of me and..."

Billie stirs and wakes up. Bonnie gets up and goes to her.

"We should go. I got a lot of guests ter cater for. But... thank you."

***

For the next few days, she is too busy to think. With thirty guests coming over a two night period, including Autor and Jay, she barely has time to breathe.

The usual drama, of course, unfolds on Christmas day, because nothing can ever be straightforward. Shortly after Christmas dinner, there is a loud knocking on the door, and a skinny woman walks in, uninvited.

"Jean?" Bonnie feels her stomach sink. Last she knew, Jean was still in prison for child endangerment and drug offences.

"Surprise! Now where is my little Terry?" Jean asks, teetering around the house in her heels.

"You should have called ahead." Bonnie says, wondering how Stuart and Ted will receive their sister as much as how Terry will react to her mom. As it is, Jean comes across the three of them together.

"Oh hell no." Ted says, when he sees Jean. He and his brother stand protectively in front of Terry, who has gone white with shock.

"Is that any way to greet your sister?" Jean asks. "At Christmas?"

"What do you want?" Stuart asks her, coldly. "We don't need you any more, we're practically adults. We're adopted by Aunt Bonnie who already defeated Mom in court."

"I'm not here for you, I'm here for Terry." Jean says. "I'm clean now! I brought you lots of presents."

Terry looks at Bonnie with a lot of apprehension as Jean unpacks cute little dresses - too small - and dolls and stuffed toys.

"There's plenty more where this came from too! You have to come see the new apartment, Terry, it's so clean and fresh, and you'd have your own room."

"Jean." Bonnie takes control of the situation. "If Terry wants you to stay, you are welcome to stay fer Christmas supper. But she is not goin' anywhere with you."

"Of course she is, she's my daughter." Jean says.

"You think I raised twenty fosters and this ain't come up before?" Bonnie says. "I know the law inside out, and you ain't takin' Terry nowhere without me seein' that a judge has allowed you unsupervised access again. Which they ain't, because I would have been informed."

After a brief argument, Jean agrees to stay in the house under Bonnie's watchful eye. After twenty minutes, Terry bursts into tears, runs over to Bonnie and clings to her.

"Granma I'm scared. I remember the bad place."

Bonnie holds her granddaughter. Stuart and Ted hustle Jean from the building. Bonnie knows, sooner or later, that she'll be back.

***

The day after Christmas, thankfully, everything calms down. Terry appears to recover quickly from her shock, and even helps Bonnie and Lucy with the cleanup.

"It's not that I don't love my mom." she says, after a while. "I just got scared when she used to take drugs."

"Yer mom cain't take you back without the court allowin' it." Bonnie says. "And if she tries you don't go with her, you hear me? The court will only let you go with her if you want to and she's really truly clean and safe now. I won't stop you seein' her supervised if that's what you want, though."

"I don't know yet." Terry admits.

"You take all the time you need." Bonnie says.

There's another knock at the door. Terry tenses. Bonnie gives her a reassuring pat on the shoulder, then goes to the door herself.

Gerry is at the door. She stares at him, for a moment, in surprise.

"Mrs Murdock. I came to apologise for being so forward." he says. "I thought you'd be too busy yesterday. I'm making things difficult between you and Wesley and..."

"Turtle can go screw himself." Bonnie says. "Everythin' in my life is difficult. So is everythin' else worth doin'."

They pause for a moment. And then Bonnie turns back to where Lucy and Terry are watching with keen interest.

"You know, Granma, just because Grandpa Turtle left doesn't mean you can't ever have a gentleman friend." Terry says.

"I can babysit." Lucy offers.

"Yer sure yer okay with this?" Bonnie asks.

"He's been asking you to dinner, not to become my new grandpa." Terry says.

Bonnie laughs, goes back to give them a hug, and gets her coat.

When Bonnie steps into her workshop at the end of the school day, she is somewhat surprised to find two figures standing by her desk. Gerry, looking very solumn, and his son Robert, looking somewhat contrite.

"Mrs Murdock." Gerry says.

"Mr Hart." Bonnie nods. She has an inkling what this is about.

"Go on, son." Gerry says, firmly.

"Ma'am, it was my friend and me."

"My friend and I." Gerry corrects.

"My friend and I who assaulted you." Robert says. "We didn't set out to harm you and the preacher, we just intended to scare you to sign the papers, but then you fought back so fierce ma'am, that it turned into a real fight. I'm really very sorry, ma'am. It was just me that did the hittin', my friend stopped."

Bonnie stares him in the eye.

"Well it was a good start that you confessed, Robert." she says. "Did yer father catch you?"

"He checked my sneakers, ma'am." Robert says. "When he got home. I was wearin' new ones so he didn't recognise them. He said you'd already agreed to sign the papers, all civilised like, and he was real angry."

"I didn't raise you to go beating on women and preachers." Gerry confirms. "I told him it's up to you what becomes of him and I will support whatever punishment you see fit."

Bonnie looks at the father and son. It's unusual, from those she's had fights with in the past, for anyone to be hauled up in front of her to apologise.

"Well, Robert." she says. "Unfortunately it's already a police matter because we made a police report, so we best go down to the station so that we can make a report."

"Will he still receive his diploma?" Gerry asks. "He graduates tomorrow."

Bonnie looks at the boy. She sees despair in his eyes. She remembers how he lost his mother at a young age, and has had to grow up with an alcoholic sister and all the trouble Turtle has brought their family. Also, she recalls, the Principal has told her that if she allows her private life to cause trouble at the school again, her job could be on the line, and now would be the ideal time to fire her with the whole summer to replace her.

"What do you plan to do with yer diploma?" she asks Robert.

"I want to be a firefighter, ma'am." Robert says.

"That's a worthy trade. And you probably need yer diploma fer that." Bonnie says. "You must be careful, Robert, not to do anythin' like this again."

"Oh I will, ma'am." Robert says.

"All right, we'll not go to the Principal, but you are banned from the end of term fair." Bonnie says. "And we'll go down to the cops now. You need to face up bravely to what you did, as you've done to me and Alvin."

Robert nods. It wasn't quite as bad as it could have been, and he recognises that. Bonnie gets her hat.

"I couldn't keep this from the cops even if I wanted to, you understand." she says. "And Turtle cain't keep it from them, or he'd lose his job. Hopefully the fire service will still take you."

They head to the station. Robert makes his confession, and Bonnie watches him with mixed feelings. At least Turtle is still in rehab.

"Thank you." she says to Gerry, outside, while Robert is being processed ready to be released. "It cain't be easy draggin' yer own son in front of the law."

"You would have done the same with any of your boys, right?" Gerry says.

"Damn straight." Bonnie says. "But my life has always been full of rough folks, gettin' into fights, and it's rare fer me to come out with any justice."

"You are a remarkable woman." Gerry says, and then blushes slightly.

Bonnie feels, to her annoyance, a hot flush coming on, making her own cheeks inconveniently pink.

"Yer a sweet man, Gerry." she says. "But I'm serious. I've spent my life around those that society has given up on, and I've got involved in all sorts of things I shouldn't, and there's a reason they say those things about me. I mean, they ain't true, but..."

"Mrs Murdock, when the dust has settled, would it be terribly inappropriate of me to ask you out to dinner by means of apology for my thoroughly inadequate parenting skills?" Gerry asks.

"Oh yes, very inappropriate." Bonnie says. "But don't let that stop you, it never stops me. So long as you understand that it cain't lead to nothin'."

"Oh, I understand." Gerry says. "I know it would be hard to trust another man after Wes. I just enjoy your company. It's lonely sometimes, being a widower."

Bonnie has to admit that this is something she can agree with.

The neighbours were gossiping. This was nothing new for Bonnie, who had met with disapproval from her neighbours for the best part of thirty years and wasn't going to start bothering about it now.

Stuart and Ted also took it mostly in their stride. But Terry, who had become used to a more stable life recently, was getting bullied at school, as Bonnie discovered one day when the girl came home with a black eye.

"Shirley called you trash." Terry says fiercely as Bonnie gives her a bag of peas for her eye. "And I was all 'Hell no'. She was crusin' fer a bruisin'!"

"I don't care what words Shirley used." Bonnie says. "You are older and bigger than most of the kids in yer grade and you will keep yer hands to yerself."

"But Grandma, it ain't fair!" Terry says. "You ain't trashy, it's Grandpa Turtle's fault you're gettin' divorced. I tried talkin' to my teacher but my teacher said divorce was wrong. Why cain't he just come home?"

"Terry." Bonnie sighs and sits next to her. "Yer teacher says it's wrong to divorce because many people believe that. We can argue with 'em until we're blue in the face but that view ain't gonna change any time soon. Grandpa Turtle ain't comin' home again because he's in love with another lady. You cain't keep someone when they get like that, it doesn't make nobody happy."

"But then why did he marry you?" Terry asks.

"Because Grandpa Turtle and I had been very lonely fer a very long time." Bonnie says. "And we were lovers a long time ago, and we got carried away with a lot of feelings. And then we made Billie, and you really got to be married when you got a baby together."

She gives Terry a squeeze.

"You've done so well to get on at school. Don't mess that up now over someone else's mistakes, okay?"

***

When Turtle turns up for visitation that week, Bonnie doesn't let him in the door.

"No child support, no visitation." she says firmly.

"Bonnie, I'm trying, I gave you what I have." Turtle says.

"Not my problem." Bonnie says. "I got four kids to feed, and I intend you to learn this fast. I've had to take a second job doin' work fer Jay to make up fer you not payin' yer maintenance."

Turtle sighs.

"You managed before I moved in." he complains. "Can't you give me a bit more time?"

"I didn't have Billie then." Bonnie says. "I didn't have to pay fer day care. I didn't have someone pinching the money from a joint account."

"Bonnie, I'm really not doing this on purpose." Turtle says. He takes a breath. "I need to push through with the divorce and getting a new place."

Bonnie stares at him, her eyes hardening.

"How far gone is she?"

"Bonnie..."

Bonnie slams the door in his face. Then decides she's not done and opens it again.

"I am deeply disappointed in you. That's what hurts the most. You've been my friend fer thirty years, we broke up less than two months ago and yer already rushin' into creating yet another baby you cain't afford."

"We didn't plan this..."

"I don't freakin' care, you are nearly fifty years old and you know what a damn condom is!" Bonnie says.

A neighbour, pruning a rose bush, gasps and drops her secateurs.

"Bonnie, I'm sorry." Turtle says. "But it wouldn't be any less painful if I had a baby with her in a year, she wants children..."

"I don't care, you don't make babies you cain't afford!" Bonnie says. "Did you learn nothin' from bein' in care? From watchin' all my foster kids who'd been in unstable homes?"

Turtle takes another breath.

"I will pay what I owe you. I will work hard to support you, and Cassandra, and Celia and the baby. I know I have completely let you down, but I know you love Billie, and that something positive came out of my carelessness, and I am going to take responsibility for all of this."

"Damn straight. When you pay, you get visitation." Bonnie says. She looks over at the neighbour. "And Mrs Jones, if you are goin' to eavesdrop you should come closer, or turn up that hearin' aid!"

Now she slams the door.

It seems to have some effect at least. The next day Turtle sells some stuff he doesn't need and pays her back for the money that was hers in the joint account. And by the end of the month he manages to scrape together the child support, although not the alimony, and she grants him visitation. She feels in control, which she needs now.

Missing him as a friend hurts more than missing him as a husband. But when she gets out the new biker jackets for her new group, the Rattlesnakes, she starts to feel better. The boys are thrilled to get to go out on the back of bikes with her and Lucy, with Billie and Terry in a side car. And a surprising number of her old biker gang pitch up to join them. Things start to feel right again.

***

"I forgive you."

Turtle looks up in surprise from rocking Billie to sleep, at the end of his second visitation.

"Why?" he asks, quietly.

"Because being angry at you is destroying me and my kids." Bonnie says. "Because I understand what it is to have loved more than one person. So many times I felt guilty fer being with you because I felt like I was betraying Bill, even though he's been dead over a decade. Because I'd hardly talked about him or to him. And since you left, I went right back to bein' devoted to him."

Turtle nods. "Thank you." he says. "I miss you an awful lot as a friend."

"Me too." Bonnie says. "I cain't trust you quite like I used to but I'm prepared to give it time. I think you should join the Rattlesnakes. You'll be able to spend time with Billie and Terry in an environment where we won't be alone together, and frankly it'll be much easier than our current visitation arrangements."

"You'd still want me in your group?" Turtle asks.

"It's the closest we can do to get back to how we used to be." Bonnie says. "Two people who have been friends a long time and used to have sex."

It is Ted's bruised knuckles that Bonnie notices first, as he passes the salt. A quick look around the table spots the bruise on Turtle's chin.

She wastes no time after dinner taking the two of them into the living room and shutting the door.

"Something you two want to tell me?" she asks, folding her arms.

"About what?" Ted asks, cautiously.

"Why there's a matching bruise on your knuckles and Ted's chin?"

Turtle takes a breath. Ted looks at him, then back at Bonnie.

"Because he's got something to tell you, if he has the guts."

"Ted, can you leave the room please?" Turtle asks. "Bonnie and I need to talk."

Ted doesn't resist that. He shoots a glare at Turtle, then leaves them and closes the door.

Bonnie doesn't stop him. She watches Turtle as he sinks into a chair. She watches as he bursts into tears and sobs into his handkerchief. Eventually she sits down next to him.

"Right. Why are you cryin', exactly? Pretty sure by the end of this that's my job."

Turtle takes a breath and tries to compose himself.

"Because I've ruined everything." He says. "And now I'm going to lose my best friend, my soulmate, or my daughter. Maybe all three."

Bonnie watches him. A few days ago she'd have been the one in tears. Now, no tears are coming. She fixes him with a stare.

"So who's this soulmate?" she asks. "The girl you been cheating on me with?"

"I didn't cheat on you, Bonnie, I cheated with you." Turtle says, explaining how he met Celia at AA and had been engaged to her when he and Bonnie first got together. He'd kept with Celia until he'd found out Bonnie was pregnant, when instead of breaking it off with Bonnie, suddenly found himself needing to marry her.

"Not that it would have made a difference." he says. "You got pregnant when we first got together again."

"I'm afraid it does make a difference." Bonnie says. "You might think that you could get away with seein' another girl when we were only just havin' casual sex, but you had no right to cheat on yer fiancée once, let alone carry on."

"I know. Celia was heartbroken. I had this foolish idea that you and I, with all that history, would fall fer each other. By the time we didn't, it was too late."

"And now it all makes sense." Bonnie says. "The lukewarm reception I got to us gettin' married. You goin' all quiet at the weddin' when Cassandra burst in accusing you of being married - you thought she knew, didn't you? Namin' our kid after Bill."

"Bill was a better man than I'll ever be." Turtle says.

"Ain't gonna disagree right now." Bonnie says. "So you split off with Celia. When did she come back on the scene?"

"After I got shot, she came rushin' to the hospital to be with me." Turtle says. "As a friend. Spent a lot of time with me, there every day."

"And I didn't?"

"I didn't mean it like that."

"Good, because in case you forgot, I was at work, Turtle. I was at work with a bullet wound in my arm pretendin' to be normal so that one of us at least brought in some money to feed the kids and Lucy."

"Sorry. Anyhow, she was there. We just got talking. I couldn't get her out of my head again. A few weeks before Christmas she gave me some panties and told me if I ever decided to leave you she'd take a twice divorced man. I panicked and shoved them in the wardrobe. Then you were rootling around in there fer Christmas presents on the shelf below. I thought you hadn't found them, so I hid them in somethin' and put them in the trash."

"So you were going to just string both of us along?"

"Until I decided what to do, yeah."

Bonnie takes a long sigh. At least now she knows.

"I'm sorry to break this to you." she says, without raising her voice. "But you are no longer in a position to make that choice. Neither am I, really."

"How do you mean?" Turtle asks.

"Because that's not the only thing you've done." Bonnie says. "I am more than aware that our relationship came by accident, that we both got baggage, and you might have thought you could get away with fallin' fer someone else without meanin' to." She looks back at him. "But you've crossed another line. You forced one of my boys, my child, to share yer dirty secret."

"Ted's not a child."

"Oh yes he is!" Bonnie says. "He is sixteen years old and by law he is a child. You had absolutely no right to put yer guilty burdens on him. And worse than that, he hit you and you covered up fer him, because you knew I would want to know why. He's one crime away from goin' back to jail, he has serious anger management issues, you know I'm tryin' to get him seen by a psychiatrist. You should have told me right away."

"I guess yer right." he says quietly. "So what happens now? I know I've messed up our marriage, Bonnie, and I'm so sorry, I really am. But we've been friends for so many decades..."

"Don't ask me that right now." Bonnie says. "What happens now is that you go and kiss Billie goodnight, you pack yer bag, and you get out of my house. In one week when I have calmed down, we will meet at a neutral spot and we will discuss child support, visitation, and alimony."

"You don't seem as cut up as expected." Turtle says.

"You don't seem like a cheatin' idiot who thinks with his penis ahead of his brain." Bonnie says quietly. "Guess things ain't always what they seem."

"Bonnie, I..."

"Go to your 'soulmate'." Bonnie says. "You'll see me again, bringing up our baby. The flame will likely go out with Celia too, one day, and maybe one day I'll forgive you, and maybe I won't. But you won't come back to live in this house. You have bonded with those children, and I will not have that misused, and I will not have you walk in and out of their lives."

She is just about holding it together. She holds a straight expression when he apologises again, and when he walks upstairs to pack and say goodnight to the baby.

"Aunt Bonnie?"

Bonnie looks up, and blinks, from what seems to have been a long time. Stuart and Ted are looking at her.

"I'm real sorry about this, boys."

"You showed him!" Stuart says, sitting down next to her. "Cheating bastard! You don't need to worry, Aunt Bonnie, we can be all the men of the household you need."

"Thank you Stuart. You were listening in?" Bonnie says.

"Not all of it. We heard the cheating penis bit." Ted says.

"For what it's worth." Stuart says. "Your experiences have been a valuable re-education in sex ed."

A few minutes later, there is the sound of the door closing. The kids take themselves to bed early. Lucy comes to sit with her for a bit, and makes her tea. She doesn't manage the tea, and has to make a dash for the bathroom after the first few sips.

"Are you okay?" Lucy asks her, when she comes back out. "I mean, as much as you can be."

"Just the adrenaline." Bonnie says, sitting back down, as Lucy gets her a glass of water.

"It's going to be okay." Lucy says, rubbing her back gently. "I'll find more work. We handled three kids between us before, we can handle four."

"Makes a change at least to lose someone without them bein' in a coffin." Bonnie says, sipping the water. "I knew he was up to somethin'. Almost felt sorry fer him in the end."

"Why?" Lucy asks.

"We weren't really meant to be in a relationship in the first place." Bonnie says. "It just happened because I got lonely and he got carried away. If it weren't fer that one night, he'd be married to Celia, but I'd never have had Billie. He's given me more than I could ever have hoped for. So I cain't completely hate him. Is that stupid?"

"Probably." Lucy says. "But it'll probably make it easier when you next have to see him."

She isn't sure how she gets through the next few days. But she does. She takes off the ring. She gently explains to Terry why Grandpa Turtle isn't going to live there any more. She finally finds a buyer for her latest repair project so the money situation isn't quite so desperate. And though the bedroom is empty at night, there's a picture there that she never did take down, and she finds herself staring at the face of her gentle giant once more.

She runs her finger across the glass of the picture of Bill.

"Guess when you truly love someone, when you hold them dear in yer heart..." she says softly. "They never quite come out again. Does that make me much different from Turtle?"

The picture doesn't reply. But the kind eyes watch over her, unconditionally as always, as she puts the picture on her dresser.

Sometimes you have to not jump to conclusions.

The Christmas period is too busy for Bonnie to sit down and think about the fact that the sexy panties she found in the wardrobe with Turtle's other Christmas presents have not reappeared. Perhaps other people would have demanded answers immediately. Perhaps some people would have brought it up at the Christmas table to make sure there was no squirming out of it.

A few nights later, when Turtle is at work and everyone else is in bed, she sits down and examines the evidence.

She's known Turtle thirty years. He had many lovers in their youth, just as she did, but since being divorced from Cassandra she's never known him to have another girlfriend until her. He lived in a crappy apartment and spent most of his waking hours at work. Apart from going out on his bike, and going to AA, he doesn't really go anywhere that she knows of, and far as she knows he doesn't have any other female friends. And the panties wouldn't fit Lucy, the only other woman in the house.

So that leaves two options. Either, the panties were meant for her, and for some reason he didn't give her them, or they're for another woman she doesn't know.

She sits back for a moment. Neither of these answers seems likely. Turtle isn't the sort of guy to get shy about panties. And although since the shooting he's been a bit quiet and distant, he just doesn't seem the type to go looking for sex somewhere else. Heck, he's only been fit enough for sex again for a few weeks.

There has to be another explanation.

She goes up to their bedroom and starts searching. She can't just go accusing him of cheating. If he's guilty, he'll likely have covered his tracks, but it's worth a shot. He mostly put all his stuff in here when he moved in after the wedding, and she's sure there was a photograph album in there somewhere. She digs it out and looks through it from the time since his divorce. There's few if any pictures of women, and nobody that seems a likely candidate.

This is ridiculous.

She hears the door open, and hurriedly puts the album away. Just ask him.

But what if he is cheating? What if he packs his bags and leaves her tonight with four kids to raise and Lucy out of work? Would it be best to keep quiet?

When it gets to New Year's Day, and the panties still haven't materialised, she confides her fears in Lucy, who offers to take the kids out for the day. Turtle seems a little perplexed, until Bonnie sits him down, calmly, in the living room.

"I found panties in our bedroom." she says, keeping her voice level. "On Christmas Eve. They did not appear on Christmas Day. I need you to tell me what's going on."

Turtle looks startled. Then he looks at the floor. She watches him like a hawk. He looks nervous.

"I bought them for you. But I lost my confidence."

Bonnie watches him.

"Since when?" she asks, feeling a hint of suspicion. How can a man who she had sex with in goodness knows how many places suddenly be shy in the bedroom?

"Since the shooting." Turtle says. "I have failed totally as a husband and as a father. The young man I raised as my own, even if I knew he wasn't by blood, going on to shoot me? And as for you - the only thing Bill ever wanted for you was for you to be safe. I failed that."

She searches his face. Okay. She can kind of buy that.

"Yer not a failure." she says quietly.

Now he looks at her.

"Bonnie, it was me that left the door unlocked. I came back to grab something I forgot, I got an emergency call on my radio and I dashed off. I was the last one to leave. I didn't remember right away." Turtle looks back at the floor. "I caused you to start doing all that crazy checking stuff. I made you feel unsafe in your own home."

Bonnie feels her insides drop. Then suddenly, anger rises up.

"I'm not mad that you left the door unlocked by mistake, but I am mad that you let me blame the boys fer that." she says. "You let Stuart and Ted think it was their fault we both nearly got killed."

"I'm sorry."

"Too fuckin' right you should be sorry." Bonnie says. "They are vulnerable teenagers, Turtle! Ted saved yer life and you let him think it was his fault?"

Turtle is quiet. Bonnie takes a breath.

"You need to apologise to the boys and tell them the truth."

"I will." Turtle says.

"So, where are the panties."

Hesitation. "I threw them away."

Bonnie blinks. Up until that point, she'd felt total honesty. But who the hell throws away panties?

"Where?"

"What?" he asks.

"Where did you throw them away?" Bonnie asks.

"In the trash can."

"When?" Bonnie asks.

Now he's hesitating again.

"What's the matter? Cain't remember if we had trash day yet?" she asks, flatly.

"Bonnie..."

"Tell me the truth, are you cheating on me?"

Turtle sighs. "I didn't cheat on you." he says, but he doesn't make eye contact. "I thought of leaving you so that you'd feel safe in your own home again, but I wasn't going to do it at Christmas."

Bonnie swallows hard. "I'm mad at you right now, but I don't want you to go." she says. "I don't think there's anything that cain't be fixed here."

"Do you love me?"

She looks at him. "You know I do."

"Just not like you loved Bill."

"You said you never expected me to and I never told you anything otherwise." Bonnie says.

"I know." Turtle says.

"I'm a widow, I come with a lot of baggage." Bonnie says, trying to keep her temper. Why is he now in charge of this argument? "Yes, I love you, and no I don't want you to leave. I've been batshit crazy fer thirty years, this door checkin' is nothin' and it'll pass."

They are quiet for a moment.

"I already decided not to leave." Turtle says. "So you don't need to worry. It was just a thought that went through my head, it was stupid."

She swallows that anger again. It's all very well for him. He thinks he can just walk out and leave her with all those mouths to feed, vulnerable children who have bonded with him, and all that's stopping him is that he decided not to?

"I love you and don't want you to leave." she says again. "So thank you."

He draws her into a hug. He promises to go and see a counsellor about the shooting.

When he leaves to go to his AA meeting, Bonnie takes out the trash to the can in the yard. She isn't surprised to see an empty trash can with no panties.

Well, he can have the benefit of the doubt, for now. But Bonnie knows one thing for certain. Cheating is one thing, but if he decides to walk out on those kids, he won't be walking in again.

This year, Bonnie wasn't sure if she should wait up.

Really, what would she say?

How would she tell Bill if he showed up that, after all these years, she'd married someone else? And had a baby, no less?

In the end, she brought Billie up to the room with her. Bill was always soft on babies. Perhaps that will help her case.

She locks the door of the room, then places her hand on the handle and pushes three times like she's been doing at home, because that way she can be sure the door hasn't just stuck.

Then she settles Billie down in the crib, sits on the sofa, and waits. In previous years she's tried to wait up all night for Bill. He's never come, of course. Last year her Mom showed up, now that messed with her head. It was the last time she got drunk before she got pregnant with Billie.

This time... she has never been so tired. She can't even blame the baby; it's getting up three or four times every night checking the front door.

What will she say?

What will she say?

Does she even want him to come back any more?

Yes. Yes but. Oh Hell.

By the time there's a movement in the dark room, she's fallen into an uneasy doze on the sofa. It's Billie that opens her eyes, and looks at the tall ghostly figure in the corner.

The ghost walks over to the pram. A heavily tattooed hand moves towards the baby. Billie reaches out her hand, and takes the ghostly finger.

"Hey there, Billie." Bill whispers to the baby. "I'm yer Uncle Bill. Your Mommy has waited a long time to have you."

He glances over at Bonnie, then back at Billie. "Your Mommy promised to stay with me until death do us part. Death parted us, as it does to everyone in the end. We'll always love each other, but she's better off with someone in the real world too. She don't do loneliness well. I couldn't ask fer a better man to be with yer Mommy than yer pa. Yer Mommy has enough love to share, I only ever wanted her to be safe."

He kisses the infant on the forehead, then turns to face Bonnie. But then sighs slightly.

"She's so tired. Won't sleep a wink tonight neither if I wake her now."

***

When Bonnie wakes, in the morning, there's a blanket over her. She blinks blearily, trying to remember if she grabbed it last night, before forgetting about it and getting up to feed Billie.

It isn't easy to juggle a young baby, three upset kids, a frightened housemate, and a husband who just had to have a bullet removed from his chest. Oh, and work.

Fortunately, Turtle didn't decide to go into a coma as tends to happen extraordinarily often in fiction for no logical reason, which meant that the cops were able to interview him pretty quick on who he thought was his attempted murderer.

"We think Ted is the most likely suspect." one of them says to Turtle. "He's the only person we can confirm as a shooter at the scene."

But Turtle shook his head. "No, Ted didn't do it."

"You remember your shooter?" the detective asks.

"No." Turtle says. "I think I was drugged. But I know it wasn't Ted. I might not be his Dad, but I'd be proud if I was. He saved my life, Bonnie's too, and Billie's."

He looks around, and sees Ted standing in the hospital doorway. He gives the lad a nod, and gets a nod back.

"Come here, Ted." Turtle says.

Ted slopes over awkwardly, and sits on the edge of the bed.

"I would never want to replace your father." Turtle says. "But if you ever decide you want me to adopt you, you just say the word."

"That doesn't prove he's innocent." the detective says.

"Why don't you try focusing on some of the people who actually want to kill me." Turtle says. "Start with Picket and Cassandra."


Later in the day, the cops find the bullet that went through Bonnie's arm in the grass outside the house. It doesn't match the gun that shot Turtle, and the second gun is confirmed.


In the evening, some of the bikers come to visit. Turtle hands them a letter.

"This is my resignation as president. I'm not putting my family in any more danger."

"You cain't." Rusty Nail protests.

"Cain and have." Turtle says. "I'm startin' a new gang, when I'm back on my feet, fer family road trips. I'm gonna show my daughter the world of bikin', and anyone keepin' to the four drink limit is welcome to join. If Picket ain't the one that shot me, that leaves him free to lead the Scorpions."

"I think you did the right thing." Bonnie says afterwards. "I'll miss being an Iron Scorpion, but it's not been the same."

"We'll design new colours." Turtle says. "We'll admit women as standard members same as men. The boys can learn to ride a motorbike in a year or two and it'll be a suitable environment fer them to hang out, and you won't have to have a babysitter."

"I think I like this plan." Bonnie agrees. "Just don't let Terry design our colours."

The last thing Bonnie wanted to do was bring Billie back to this potential gun scene, but she couldn't explain her disappearing. So when she slips back through the hole in the motorcycle cover with Jay, she immediately ducks out the other side to put her back against the wall.

"Okay. Ted is in the house, holding a gun. I don't know where he got it but he said there was an intruder. Turtle was on an early, so he ought to be home, but I don't know where. If Ted's home, Stuart ought to be home too, unless it was him that ran to call the cops."