(no subject)

[is_the_motion]

The neighbours were gossiping. This was nothing new for Bonnie, who had met with disapproval from her neighbours for the best part of thirty years and wasn't going to start bothering about it now.

Stuart and Ted also took it mostly in their stride. But Terry, who had become used to a more stable life recently, was getting bullied at school, as Bonnie discovered one day when the girl came home with a black eye.

"Shirley called you trash." Terry says fiercely as Bonnie gives her a bag of peas for her eye. "And I was all 'Hell no'. She was crusin' fer a bruisin'!"

"I don't care what words Shirley used." Bonnie says. "You are older and bigger than most of the kids in yer grade and you will keep yer hands to yerself."

"But Grandma, it ain't fair!" Terry says. "You ain't trashy, it's Grandpa Turtle's fault you're gettin' divorced. I tried talkin' to my teacher but my teacher said divorce was wrong. Why cain't he just come home?"

"Terry." Bonnie sighs and sits next to her. "Yer teacher says it's wrong to divorce because many people believe that. We can argue with 'em until we're blue in the face but that view ain't gonna change any time soon. Grandpa Turtle ain't comin' home again because he's in love with another lady. You cain't keep someone when they get like that, it doesn't make nobody happy."

"But then why did he marry you?" Terry asks.

"Because Grandpa Turtle and I had been very lonely fer a very long time." Bonnie says. "And we were lovers a long time ago, and we got carried away with a lot of feelings. And then we made Billie, and you really got to be married when you got a baby together."

She gives Terry a squeeze.

"You've done so well to get on at school. Don't mess that up now over someone else's mistakes, okay?"

***

When Turtle turns up for visitation that week, Bonnie doesn't let him in the door.

"No child support, no visitation." she says firmly.

"Bonnie, I'm trying, I gave you what I have." Turtle says.

"Not my problem." Bonnie says. "I got four kids to feed, and I intend you to learn this fast. I've had to take a second job doin' work fer Jay to make up fer you not payin' yer maintenance."

Turtle sighs.

"You managed before I moved in." he complains. "Can't you give me a bit more time?"

"I didn't have Billie then." Bonnie says. "I didn't have to pay fer day care. I didn't have someone pinching the money from a joint account."

"Bonnie, I'm really not doing this on purpose." Turtle says. He takes a breath. "I need to push through with the divorce and getting a new place."

Bonnie stares at him, her eyes hardening.

"How far gone is she?"

"Bonnie..."

Bonnie slams the door in his face. Then decides she's not done and opens it again.

"I am deeply disappointed in you. That's what hurts the most. You've been my friend fer thirty years, we broke up less than two months ago and yer already rushin' into creating yet another baby you cain't afford."

"We didn't plan this..."

"I don't freakin' care, you are nearly fifty years old and you know what a damn condom is!" Bonnie says.

A neighbour, pruning a rose bush, gasps and drops her secateurs.

"Bonnie, I'm sorry." Turtle says. "But it wouldn't be any less painful if I had a baby with her in a year, she wants children..."

"I don't care, you don't make babies you cain't afford!" Bonnie says. "Did you learn nothin' from bein' in care? From watchin' all my foster kids who'd been in unstable homes?"

Turtle takes another breath.

"I will pay what I owe you. I will work hard to support you, and Cassandra, and Celia and the baby. I know I have completely let you down, but I know you love Billie, and that something positive came out of my carelessness, and I am going to take responsibility for all of this."

"Damn straight. When you pay, you get visitation." Bonnie says. She looks over at the neighbour. "And Mrs Jones, if you are goin' to eavesdrop you should come closer, or turn up that hearin' aid!"

Now she slams the door.

It seems to have some effect at least. The next day Turtle sells some stuff he doesn't need and pays her back for the money that was hers in the joint account. And by the end of the month he manages to scrape together the child support, although not the alimony, and she grants him visitation. She feels in control, which she needs now.

Missing him as a friend hurts more than missing him as a husband. But when she gets out the new biker jackets for her new group, the Rattlesnakes, she starts to feel better. The boys are thrilled to get to go out on the back of bikes with her and Lucy, with Billie and Terry in a side car. And a surprising number of her old biker gang pitch up to join them. Things start to feel right again.

***

"I forgive you."

Turtle looks up in surprise from rocking Billie to sleep, at the end of his second visitation.

"Why?" he asks, quietly.

"Because being angry at you is destroying me and my kids." Bonnie says. "Because I understand what it is to have loved more than one person. So many times I felt guilty fer being with you because I felt like I was betraying Bill, even though he's been dead over a decade. Because I'd hardly talked about him or to him. And since you left, I went right back to bein' devoted to him."

Turtle nods. "Thank you." he says. "I miss you an awful lot as a friend."

"Me too." Bonnie says. "I cain't trust you quite like I used to but I'm prepared to give it time. I think you should join the Rattlesnakes. You'll be able to spend time with Billie and Terry in an environment where we won't be alone together, and frankly it'll be much easier than our current visitation arrangements."

"You'd still want me in your group?" Turtle asks.

"It's the closest we can do to get back to how we used to be." Bonnie says. "Two people who have been friends a long time and used to have sex."